Friday, 11 May 2012

Recipe: Vomlette a la Victoria

If there's one thing we like in Contrary Towers, it's food. Hot. And fast. The latter is mostly because my flatmate is invariably starving and can barely make it from door to dining table without a Marmite sandwich. And we do like food hot. As in spicy. And Hot as in hot. Obvs. Where was I. Oh yes...

So, unexpectedly, I'm here looking down on Limehouse Cut when I thought I would be on the 19:15 out of Kings Cross en route to a place where they don't accept the Oyster card. Barbarians. Which lead me to the tricky problem of what to eat... As it was going to be just me (bezzie bizzy and flatmate on the razz) it would be silly to do a full pan of something...

A well stocked fridge should have leftovers. And fizz.
...So I consulted the fridge. Aha, perfect! Nestling amongst the caviar, champagne, welsh cheese and raspberry jam was... leftovers and eggs!

Which meant... Vomlette.

Vomlette being so called because it's a bit like an omelette, but, well, I'll leave you to work out what the vom bit means.

The ingredients... Please note the lack of measures, this is largely because we have no means of measuring, and even if we did have a means we probably wouldn't use it. Just to be contrary.

  • 3 eggs. No, make that 2 because that's all there was.
  • Milk (sniffs, yay!)
  • Pepper (thank goodness I got some more pepper corns)
  • Chestnut mushrooms, preferably the last four in the pack from Lidl and looking very tired (oh, look, four left and looking very tired)
  • Olive oil, err, no idea how much, but, well, you know...
  • Leftover chicken and chorizo rice pot.
  • Chopped pork and ham luncheon meat or similar
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Cheese!

I appreciate that your local Waitrose may not stock the essential leftover chicken and chorizo rice pot. If you find this to be the case then please do write to the manager and complain.

Making it is simple.

First heat the oil. Next: remember that you had decided to add mushrooms and slice them really quickly. Fry until, well, you think they might be done. At all times keep texting to ensure that the mushrooms don't think you're watching them and hence won't cook (see law of boiling pots).

Now add a decent amount of leftover chicken and chorizo rice pot, Make sure you remember to remove the bones from the chicken when it's really too late and there's a risk of burning your fingers. Stir around for a bit whilst texting. Check twitter. Send email. Be offended by rude tweets from people you thought to be friends that are doubting your virtue on a Friday night. Decide that it needs some dirty pork so add some chopped pork and ham that you keep for emergency purposes (or lunch, as I like to call it), add and poke the lot with a spoon for a little longer.

Break eggs in to a bowl, at this point you should have noticed that you only have two eggs, slop in some milk, grind some pepper and beat until your phone indicates another tweet has arrived. Answer.

Where was I? Oh, I remember. Pour the egg and what have you in to the pan and mix it all up. Switch the grill on to warm and wander out on to the balcony to watch a canal boat wander by. When you think there is a chance it may be ready, turn off the heat and stick the pan under the grill to cook the top.

Grate cheese. Eat some of the cheese. Grate some more cheese.

Go and look at the swans.

Check after a few minutes, when it looks, oooh, about right, sprinkle with cheese and then sprinkle with cayenne pepper. Put back under the grill.

Go back to look at the swans and see that the Canada Goose is trying it on. Check pan.

Oh, it worked, the swans have left. Check pan.

When the cheese is bubbling like mad and you are feeling really hungry it's probably done. Remove from the oven. Pour on a plate and...


Now I'm sure it's not the sort of recipe you might expect to come from Le Cordon Bleu, but that's only because it's such a closely guarded secret.

So whatever you do, don't tell a soul.

No comments:

Post a Comment